Mul like a pieball pony in Kerry!

Mul like a pieball pony in Kerry!
Anyone tell him about Grecian 2000?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Rotorua...yep they are right... it does stink!

Another beautiful day when I set out from Tauranga.
I discovered some of Melissas assets and one being..that she pointed out.local attractions on her slim little bod!! Pressed the button which I had no clue was ever there.. ( I told ya I was a technophobe and did not know all Melissas charms) Anyhow I looked and saw a place called Mount Misery... this looks interesting. An hours hike so not to bad. It was misery alright in climbing it as the fecking thing had a gradient of 1:2 and about 20 times the length of Patircks Hill. I will have buns of steel after this hol and also the worst farmers tan ever!
I got to the place where the hike began of course down a gravel road and miles from anywhere. Could only hear the birds and yep the blighters known as crickets. or grasshoppers. The views were amazing yet again.. lush rolling green landscape, hills and mountains in the background on one side and the sparkling sea on the other. I was slow to leave it but knew that I should head on towards Rotorua.On the way there, I passed Te Puke which is pronounced Te Pukie! An unfortunate name for a place that is the capital of the Kiwi fruit production in the world. A fact that you may not know but Kiwi fruit is worth 1 billion dollars to the NZ economy annually so dont ever scoff at the hairy green things! Well after passing thru TE PUKE I found what the world needs the 360 Degree Kiwi Experience.. I was tittering to myself at the train that takes you around the place in carraiges that look like half cut out kiwi fruit so there was no way I was lowering myself to be transported by a fruit!.I do have standards!
The centre was amazing tho in that there is shagging kiwi flavoured or smelling everything. So for spite I went to the cafe and got a coffee and a pecan nut tart. The guy who took my order had plastic discs in his ears for earrings and said "sweet like" every time you spoke to him. So I ordered the tart and coffee and his answer was "sweet like". I thanked him and he said " sweet like". He brought the stuff to the table and then acknowledged by saying "sweet like" again. I was sorely tempted to add in " a kiwi" but dont think hed have appreciated my humour or had the vocabulary to retort with anything if I did. They got their revenge on me with making the shape of a kiwi in the froth of the coffee and drizzling kiwi syrup on my pecan pie!
Arrived early in Rotorua and the smell was not too bad initially but then it seems to linger. That cant be good for your health. In fact I dont think its too good for me as I have a headache all day!!! Based on my brothers and Paulines advice I was going to go zorbing... which is throwing yourself into a plastic ball with water and careering down a hill in side slipping and been thrown all over the palce in the name of fun. Pol had advised the Maori night with the feast etc. I ended up doing neither. The zorb was closed and I had no appetite for lots of food. Instead I ended up going up on gondola to Skyline. A great place with downhill carting " where they assured me you could  not injusre yourself. I beg to differ as all my workmates remember me doing Ozzie Osborune in Antrim with the quad bike and not being able to walk properly for three days after falling off the bloody thing so Iwas not risking this. Anyhow I saw several people with fresh bandages on various limbs who had slight "encounters" with other carts! Hell no says I .. I will go into the flight simulator instead. A 12 min ride from HELL!. I got chatting to the Kiwi guy ( not fruit) who encouraged me to try it and I was the only one lined up for it. "Where should I sit says I?".." Up the back in the centre" says he... "its best there". Anyhow you have to strap yourself into this as it moves all over the place. He told me there were two buttons in the arm rest to keep continuously pressed if I felt motion sickness and wanted them to stop it. Motion sickness? I never suffered from that ever.......until today!!!!!! Just as we were about to lift off we were joined by three teenagers and a couple with their two small kids...
The ride began... it was lovely.....and then it went bloody manic.. I was rapidly losing colour and feeling the kiwi syrup starting to gurgle below....I swear to the one on high that I was a nanosecond from pressing those two bloody buttons to get out but could not lose face in front of the 2 kids under 5 who were hollering with delight. That was the LONGEST 12 mins EVER. I came out and was kiwi green in the face with only my badly sunburned nose remaining like Rudolfs. The contrast must have been hilarious.
This evening I went to the Polynesian Spa where I languished in 41 degree water and peered up at the southern cross in the night sky. I think the heat got my bod back to the "recently boiled look"!!
I am kipping in the "Funky Green Voyager Hostel" tonight and met several more women..a few mid life crises and travelling for months and no jobs to go back to!. One dopey eejit is cycling around the place... God I will never understand them!! Night night
PS the bloody pics took me ages to down load earlier and in fact it was trying to up load about 179 of them. I dont think anyone would have the patience for that so I just added a few!! Enjoy and take care.. Its a kiwi jungle out there and a rotten smelling one at that!!!

1 comment:

  1. OMG Der you do know how to describe every bit of your experience's. I wish i was there to see your face after your dreaded 12MIN ride of your life. Pissing myself laughing here. Your hillarious. Brilliant.